Tuesday, March 11, 2008 8:24 AM
dear diary,
oh internet blog diary thing, why do i feel compelled to share my darkest, innermost intimate moments with you?
so there i was, fresh out of the shower, in my bedroom ready to get dressed and face a glorious day of work. like most people, i start to put on my underwear (which will match my goalie jersey in tonight's game). left leg goes in with no problem. i begin to put in my right leg, but something doesn't seem right. oh, that's because my pinkie toe gets caught on the band of the underwear.
i begin to pull my right leg back out in an attempt to restart the process. but it's not coming out! my pinkie toe is still caught on the band!
oh, what's that? yes, i begin to tilt to one side. i'm falling! what do i do? i can't fall down naked with one leg in my underwear and the pinkie toe of my other foot stuck to the underwear band! think of the news stories...
"man cracks skull attempting to put on underwear"
"naked man found in bedroom with pinkie toe caught"
"rogue underwear band captures pinkie toe. 1 dead."
several thoughts run through my head. do i just fall and attempt to land on my side? do i hop around until i regain my balance and are able to free my pinkie toe from the underwear band?
no, my dear readers, i do one better. i notice in front of me is my bed. perfect! i'll just hop right over there and fall down on my bed! what a brilliant plan!
i begin my off-balance hopping towards the bed. the anticipation is killing me, but i'm in the zone and can't stop now. will i make it? will i crack my skull on the floor, or even worse, the corner of my bed?
i'm one hop away from the bed. i make a final burst and hop as i've never hopped before. i leap from the ground with the grace of a flying gazelle and execute a perfect one-legged, naked hop-swan dive onto my bed. i land safely onto the bed, where the comfort of my duvet gently catches my body and hugs me safe.
crisis averted. casualties: 0
and so that's how i started my day.
-ron